I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
