i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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