She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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