got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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