I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
