Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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