I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
