Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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