I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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