i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
