OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
