Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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