I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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