On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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