Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
