You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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