Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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