She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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