you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
