even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
