dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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