life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I fill condoms, not promises.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
