I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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