the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
