Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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