whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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