Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
