We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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