Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
