You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
