Yo dont text me then not text me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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