I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
