i don't like sucking hair
so that wasnt chicken after all
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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