Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
