and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
