She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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