dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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