I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do vagina's smell?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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