I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
