Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
