I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
