Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
