..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
