Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We left the knife in your bed.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
