Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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