I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
