I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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