yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
