Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
