I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
