Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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