its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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