I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
