He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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