So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize