Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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