Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
