I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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