What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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