is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
