Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
