dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You made out with two different species that night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize