He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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