You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
