you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
