I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
