direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
