Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
