he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
