You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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