I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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