She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
