No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
