Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
