I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
