i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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