Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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