There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
