What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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