Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
