i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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