He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have aggressive nipples.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize