There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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