Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
