I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
