I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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