I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I need to stop coming to work sober
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
