is your mom at the bar?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
