Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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