remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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