Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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