well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
