are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Randomize