My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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