the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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