Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
