Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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