I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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